You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
