if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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