She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
