I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
