When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
