There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
