True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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