I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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