Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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