my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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