Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize