Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
