someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize