my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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