She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
