My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
