She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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