I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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