Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
