I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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