I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sober January is a disaster.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
