Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
