Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
