I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
