Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
