like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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