I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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