I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
