My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize