apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
