We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
