Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
