He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
