Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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