so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Holy sore nipples Batman
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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