using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
