ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize