i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
