tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
