I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize