Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
