How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
