if i can run in heels then i can drive
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize