turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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