Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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