I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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