Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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