i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
