mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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