I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She even gives head with a lisp.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
