I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
