Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He has the fingertips of a God
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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