I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
