You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
