ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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