omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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