The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
