I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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