well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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