first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
