The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This house was built for laser tag.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
