Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
