Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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