At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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