I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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