I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize