We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I need to align my fucking chakras
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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