Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
