my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
