Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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