my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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