I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
