Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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