i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
