I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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