What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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