I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
