I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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