I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
