WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You need Xanax blowdarts
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
