Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
17 year olds will be the death of me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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