morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
