I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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