Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
