dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
