I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize