i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
