Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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