thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
