I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
