now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
