y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
