remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
