My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
