Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
