11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
