this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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