What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
