I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
