Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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