I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
