I am midnight drunk by noon
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
