Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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