i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
