I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
