I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
