So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
