Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
