dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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