I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
