i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
