You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
