yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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